"For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake." Philippians 1:29I probably should be in church with my family right now engaging in corporate worship with fellow believers. My husband took the 3 kids - yep, he got all 3 of them ready this morning and braved taking them to church all by himself, even the 8 week old, who loves mommy’s milk and is insulted when offered a pacifier. Told me to have the morning to myself.
My to-do list raced through my brain
- fold and put away the 7 piles of laundry accumulating on the couch
- tidy up the kitchen from the past several meals and clutters of papers from this past week
- prepare the samples for mail for my makeup business, Younique
- catch up on the bookkeeping for my cloth diaper business, Wee Little Changes
- read the next chapter in the book, Healing Digestive Illness by Russell Mariani
Instead, I decided to return to my Bible study. Long overdue. Desperately needed. Why is spending time in the Word the first thing I give up when there’s too much in my schedule?!? I should have never taken maternity leave from this!
Continuing in Philippians concentrating on Philippians 1:29, “to suffer for His sake.” And immediately I am reminded of a decision that I need to make, have to make even. Once I make it, I do not want to turn back. But it also means giving up everything that I know and am familiar with. A complete redirection. And possibly the criticism of modern culture (which is the least of my worries, except when it comes to well meaning intentions of close family and friends). Oh! That dreaded first step! But it’s for my health and the health of my family. Should be an easy commitment, right? Suffering, suffering, suffering!
What does this have to do for His sake? My current state of being is a far cry from basking in the joy of the Lord! Exhaustion, non-existent energy, sluggish, chronic pain, muddled thought processes, overwhelmed, overweight, depression, anxiety. Existence is a state of survival. I am reasonably young, 34. And this is NOT how I want to live the rest of my life! This is NOT how I desire my marriage to exist. This is NOT how I want to experience the childhood of my kids! And I certainly do NOT want them to grow into adulthood with these same health problems!
I long to embrace the full potential my life can be for the glory of God! Vivaciousness, overflowing with energy, pain free, clarity of thought with magnificent ideas and exhilarating plans, peace, health with all the joy one can possibly choose. Not merely existing.
To continue on in my current existence and all its ills is an awful price to pay for the momentary suffering for a future full of life!
(I know I totally took that verse out of context, but those were my first thoughts back into my Bible study upon reading the first paragraph.)